Well, where do I start? I was born to a humble family, in a humble home. About 29 years ago (and counting), my mother, who was working as the ticket taker on the tilt-a-whirl fell in love with the boy who pulled the handle on the Ferris Wheel. The rest is history. I was born, he left, and a rich uncle sent me to boarding school in the south of France. There, I learned to speak a new language and that drinking a Pinot Grigio with a red meat was grounds for exportation. Upon graduating from the boarding school, I was excited to receive an apprenticeship with a local baker, who taught me that making the perfect cream puff in the morning can be the ticket to world peace. I still curse the day that when on a mission to Iraq, I served Saddam a croissant that hadn’t puffed to my satisfaction. It was shortly after that he was found in a hole looking bewildered and unshaven.
It was then I decided that pastry wasn’t how I would make my mark on the world so I started my ill-timed and poorly planned singing career. I thought that if I could sing my own renditions of “Delta Dawn” and “Midnight Train to Georgia” at enough karaoke bars, I could catch the eye of some producer. Unfortunately for me, my change in career coincided with that of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Ritchie launching their own. By the time anyone heard me, they were tone-deaf from listening to poor singers who had amazing post production. I am not bitter, I only seek to point out the obvious.
Since my pastry, music career, and cosmetology stuff (I know we haven’t talked about this last one but suffice it to say, Britney ended up bald!), my careers have gone nowhere, so I am starting this blog, in the hopes of updating you (humorously) about what is happening with me.
I love to talk about reality television (the more horrible the show, the better), television in general (yea! The Office!) about my actual job, and about my life in general. I think I have something to say, and I want to say it here. For those of you who don’t need to wear a helmet while walking through life, it is only this last paragraph which is true…the rest of it was just to entertain – and that’s what I want to do in the rest of this space. Hope you’ll keep reading. Tell your friends.
