Here is my dream. I am going to have my own reality show. So many people ages 18-23 will want to be on it that they will send in ridiculous audition videos. Of course, in my dream I won’t want to take the time to watch them all, so I will hire an intern to watch all of them, and only bring me the ones that are pee-in-my-pants funny, and the ones that are possible people for the actual cast. In some cases, there will be videos that qualify for both categories.
Then, I will travel all over the country to meet the possible candidates. Whenever I walk into the room, flanked by my two other judges who share the same name, the contestants will scream and cry and tell me how much they love me. After an interview process with each of the potential castmembers, in which I ask questions like, “What is it that you like most about me?” I will pick the group that moves into the house. Even though I cut half of the people that have shown up, they will still hug me, and buy the CD that I will inevitably put out in a year.
Then the final cast will move into the house. The house itself willbe decorated with pictures of me everywhere. The cast will fight over who gets to sleep closest to my picture, and have conversations about who looks the most like me. After they have been in the house for about a week, I will dress them up like they are my own life-size Barbie dolls, and call it a “makeover.” I will do ridiculous things to them on a whim, like shave a girl’s head or give jet black extensions to a girl who has only ever had short, blonde hair. If they complain about this, I will call them ungrateful.
Each week, I will cut one of them, but only after I force them to do challenges that are ludicrous and deprive them of any shred of dignity they may still have. People will love this show. They will franchise it all over the world.
I’m just kidding. That isn’t my dream. It’s Tyra Banks’ and the show is America’s Next Top Model. But that is how the show works, and I do watch it every week. It makes me happy!
That being said, why in the world has Tyra decided to be even more preachy this year? Seriously. ANTM is now “green.” And amongst her many headshots, Tyra has placed little tips on conserving water and electricity. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a great thing to promote, and we could all stand to be more conscious of how the choices we make affect our world, but it was just all too promoted for my taste. Be “green.” Don’t spend five minutes of episode time on it, and for goodness’ sake, please don’t have a model explain to me why it’s important to “you know, be aware of what makes our earth (pregnant pause as she searches desperately for a word) good.” I mean, come on…Then the first photo shoot was about the dangers of smoking. At the end of it all, Tyra informed them that they would not be allowed to smoke. Is this just to instigate some drama so that one of the 84-pound, nicotine-craving, bulimic wannabes will kill one of the other girls? Because it would probably happen regardless of whether or not they can smoke. Let’s face it, you just put 15 girls into one house and they all are models, there’s gonna be plenty o’ drama…This is just overkill.
I know that my posts have been a day off this week. Today you probably want to know more about Grey’s or the amazing Office episode from last night, or even some thoughts on Survivor. I will catch up this weekend, and next week, don’t count on such a delay.
